But then a different Horseman of the apocalypse arrived - coronavirus, covid-19. And in some ways getting down to business & dealing with the changes of life is easier than waiting for the ax to fall. I suppose there may be additional axes both this year and this century, but the way that we're all adapting & getting by & looking out for each other is a good confidence booster.
It reminds me that the future is always different than what we expect. That helps me with dread sometimes; it's hard to believe Everything Will Work Out, but easier to believe that while we all worry about one apocalypse (robot overlords) a totally different one sneaks in unnoticed (social media bubbles of conspiracy theories).
Of course it helps a lot that the biggest change for me so far is not to go to war or exist on starvation rations or work on a chain gang or nearly die in a makeshift hospital bed, but to stay at home, which is an activity I pretty much enjoy. I feel sad about some of the things we're missing - our anniversary date, seeing the cherry blossoms, doing anything for my birthday, hosting Easter, having the baptism, working at the library (or even getting an email there's a new book to pick up).
Some of the activities others can do, like drive out & take hikes or bike rides, won't work for us because we can't have the grandparents over to watch the baby.
It makes me sad that many people will see less of him as he grows and changes. And a bit concerned that he'll be spending so much time in the house with only his parents - how will he take going to daycare? But this is a reminder that the future is never written and to just be grateful for today.
I feel lucky, like I was uniquely situated to have this pandemic come at a great time in my life. The very week that I planned to return to some remote work for my job, even while watching the baby, suddenly every white collar worker is thrust into telework while watching their kids. Instead of feeling I had to act like my old self, I brought the baby to our conference call and brightened everyone's day.
Mr. Cat is teleworking indefinitely. Bub & I see him throughout the day and we have longer evenings & mornings together. We're catching up on sleep. It's much better than the exhausted evening hustle that was the 6 weeks or so that he was working & commuting and I was home.
Because of the baby and the maternity leave, I have very few cancelled plans. No trips were coming up and I rarely went to restaurants these days anyway. In some ways it's frustrating to have social distancing start right when I was trying to rejoin life. But I was already living my life where the grocery store was the big exciting trip out once or twice a week, and now everyone is on my level.
I am grateful now that we had so many visitors in the winter, and that I did the silly things like library story time and stroller workout class and parish mom's group even though he was too young and I was tired. I'm glad that I was selfish on the weekends and went to the rec center, the movie theater, the Quaker service, coffee with my sister, because who knows when those things will happen again.
I am grateful that we were not in the hospital while they were overextended and restricting visitors.
I am grateful that my baby is young enough to be a joy who has no idea the world has changed. He doesn't miss his friends or want to go to the playground or need to do homework. He's happy as can be to stay home with his parents.
I am grateful this is not the year we planned our wedding or a move or a big vacation (or even one of my more fun work trips).
I am grateful we can work from home and earn enough money.
I am grateful we have a nice big enough house with a yard and safe streets to walk a couple times a day. I am grateful this didn't happen during our courtship or during the years when I was living 3 adults to a 2 bedroom, or living with my parents.
Mostly I feel grateful to have a healthy functional loving little family. There are no two people I'd rather be quarantined with. And honestly two adults home all the time is just about the right pace to keep up with baby care, cooking, the house, and the real job. We can chat & watch tv in the evenings, go for a walk, not always be desperate to collapse into bed. What a special time with our small baby.
In some ways, I feel more socialized than the past couple weeks. Mr. Cat is home with me; people are chatting online more ; my book club and community theater squad that I couldn't see in person anymore are starting to have virtual meetups. What a silver lining for me, but also a word of caution about how easy it is to feel isolated as a new mom. (If I was more extraverted, or planning to be home & not work indefinitely, I probably would have tried harder to make mom friends. It seem like a waste of effort when I was tired and about to go back to work anyway.)
And I was a couple weeks ahead of everyone else to adapting psychologically to never leaving your house. I developed daily and weekly rituals of tasks & fun breaks, to keep myself sane and keep track of what day it was. It used to be just me - morning mail check, midday meditation, afternoon yoga, evening walk. Wednesday laundry, Saturday sterilize the bottles, Sunday turn the compost.
But now it's more fun - I video my sister during yoga, and Mr Cat comes for the walks. My family has dinner Sundays, book club meets Wednesdays. My team meeting on Thursday mornings is more social & everyone turns their video on which we never used to.
I honestly don't know what we'd do before the internet. Work & socializing are much more possible, as is keeping up with information - stats from the CDC and info about what's closing, but also seeing cool ideas that other people are trying and jokes that will get us through.
