Can self-care & boundaries exist with a newborn?

I'm having a lot of anxiety about how bad the postpartum time is going to be. Weirdly, I'm not terrified of labor, which I was with the first pregnancy. Maybe that will come later, but I figure - there is a clear finish line, experience people to help me, drugs & interventions if I need them.

What terrifies me is everything after - going home to an endless time of no sleep, big responsibility, and changes that I don't know how to navigate.

I'm focused on the ways that I am uniquely set up to fail - I really like to sleep, I get stressed out by change, I have sensitive nipples, I'm too hard on myself (meta hard on myself apparently).

I have strengths too - I set boundaries & say no, ask for help & delegate tasks, and am diligent about my self-care. I no longer believe this is selfish or weak, since I am communicating clearly with others (aka considerate, not passive-aggressive or resentful or flaky), and I get good returns on the investment I made taking care of myself.

And now I worry that I won't be able to lean into this strength of self-care. I'll know that if I could just have a bit of sleep and a bit of "me time" I'd feel much better, but you can't set boundaries with a newborn. So I'll be in a bad spiral where my weaknesses are fueled by the mighty fire of a big change and big responsibility and my physical frailty and I'm not able to lean into my strengths of routine & self-care.

Maybe I need to give myself more credit.
I will know that it's important to drink water, eat good food and get sun time. I am ready to ask / beg /demand help and delegate. I'll know what I need to recover, and make it a priority, at least sometimes.
I'll still have to-do lists & organization skills. I can institute some routines if they help me feel better. The baby won't eat or sleep on a schedule. But I can still have a cup of tea around sunrise. Go outside, for walk or errands, around noon each day. Watch tv & play music downstairs during daytime feedings & play, and sit upstairs in the dark with a quiet podcast during nighttime feedings & cuddles. Lorenzo can give the baby a bath each evening while I take my own shower / sitz bath. A little bit of structure to the day may make me feel like a living person, and can help the baby get onto a routine when they're ready.

My weaknesses are real, but maybe I won't be starting in a worse place than any other mom.

Maybe something good will happen

Sometimes, the more I learn about pregnancy & baby care, the more I feel afraid (and certain) that I'll encounter some worst case scenarios.

The baby is the worst at learning to breastfeed and won't sleep; it cries a lot for no reason; I'm slow to recover physically & my mental health collapses. I'm kind of expecting this as a baseline state, from which we may then have more serious health or financial concerns.

I'm also bracing myself (due to reading and my own neurotic mind) that I'll let down everyone in my life, and they'll let me know how they feel.

Lorenzo will help more than most dads, so then I'm "lucky" and if I ask more of him or don't want to return to sex right away, I'm ungrateful and letting him down.
If I'm too tired or overwhelmed or tied to the baby's schedule that it makes it hard to see friends, they'll resent me or judge me or just give up and forget about me.
The older parents in my family, and strangers in stores, will jump at the chance to tell me I'm doing everything wrong.
Work will resist giving me the leave I need to take, even if some of it is unpaid or part-time.

I'm putting a burden on myself by expecting that this tough transition will be made tougher by the attitudes of everyone around me.

Here's what's actually happened this week:
I looked into my leave policy, and can expect 6 weeks paid & 15 weeks half-paid, which is almost 5 months.
I started researching day cares; don't know about prices yet, but they are mostly open til 6:30, which means I can work close to my normal hours.
My mom has adjusted her attitude toward my "choice" to be a working mom, acknowledging that my life is different than hers and that I'm making a rational choice.
An old friend gave us bags of maternity clothes, a box of diapers, and a bassinet. I'm so relieved that at least these few things we won't have to buy for ourselves.
Several people have asked me when we'll find out the gender, and then quickly corrected themselves, "I mean, if you're going to find out?" It's a tiny thing, but I appreciate the lack of assumptions there.
I feel like my knowledge is starting to come together, since I'm seeing the same tips from multiple places. Two different friends recommended the Amazon diaper brand ; my trustworthy books & blogs give similar advice on sleep training and what to expect in your body after labor.


So while I anticipate letting everyone down, Mr. Cat anticipates "more support than we know what to do with." And so far, the reality is rosier than what I pictured for myself.
He is fond of saying to me, as I spiral about worst-case scenarios, "what if something good happens?"