can't deliver the baby? they'll cut it out for you.
can't breastfeed? get some formula.
full mental breakdown? Mr. Cat will make sure the child lives while you're institutionalized.
can't go back to work? I'll cobble together something part-time and maybe end up happier.
This change is so big, multi-faceted, and slow to unfold, that even I have to admit I can't map it out steps and years in advance. I have to take it one decision and one day at a time. (Of course I already am thinking about when is the best time for #2. And it's ok to think, it's just not the time to pressure Mr. Cat to make a permanent decision.)
It feels very easy to say this right now, I know at other times it feels very hard to be Zen about it. But at least I am on this new "plateau of peace." Even if I fall off later, I'll remember what this feels like and hope that I can find my way back.
I keep thinking, my great-great-grandmother in 1200s Finland ... what did she do to prepare? Make a crib and some clothes and then just wait.
How much of my to-do list is unnecessary, when I the one thing I need to do is accept that this is gonna be something I react to not something I totally control.
I'm describing my symptoms as "activity" in my 2nd & 3rd chakras. Because if I'm like is that pain? is that discomfort? Is that queasiness? It just makes it worse.
And my mom brain - forgetting the names for things - isn't a sign I'm getting dumber. I'm becoming more intuitive. Embrace this different way of thinking.
My body and brain were not perfect before, so a change is not a tragedy.
This first trimester time will also be great practice at me thinking before I speak and not just oversharing what's on my mind with every person. (How convenient that we can chat about and work on the house during this time of waiting.)
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