The baby is the worst at learning to breastfeed and won't sleep; it cries a lot for no reason; I'm slow to recover physically & my mental health collapses. I'm kind of expecting this as a baseline state, from which we may then have more serious health or financial concerns.
I'm also bracing myself (due to reading and my own neurotic mind) that I'll let down everyone in my life, and they'll let me know how they feel.
Lorenzo will help more than most dads, so then I'm "lucky" and if I ask more of him or don't want to return to sex right away, I'm ungrateful and letting him down.
If I'm too tired or overwhelmed or tied to the baby's schedule that it makes it hard to see friends, they'll resent me or judge me or just give up and forget about me.
The older parents in my family, and strangers in stores, will jump at the chance to tell me I'm doing everything wrong.
Work will resist giving me the leave I need to take, even if some of it is unpaid or part-time.
I'm putting a burden on myself by expecting that this tough transition will be made tougher by the attitudes of everyone around me.
Here's what's actually happened this week:
I looked into my leave policy, and can expect 6 weeks paid & 15 weeks half-paid, which is almost 5 months.
I started researching day cares; don't know about prices yet, but they are mostly open til 6:30, which means I can work close to my normal hours.
My mom has adjusted her attitude toward my "choice" to be a working mom, acknowledging that my life is different than hers and that I'm making a rational choice.
An old friend gave us bags of maternity clothes, a box of diapers, and a bassinet. I'm so relieved that at least these few things we won't have to buy for ourselves.
Several people have asked me when we'll find out the gender, and then quickly corrected themselves, "I mean, if you're going to find out?" It's a tiny thing, but I appreciate the lack of assumptions there.
I feel like my knowledge is starting to come together, since I'm seeing the same tips from multiple places. Two different friends recommended the Amazon diaper brand ; my trustworthy books & blogs give similar advice on sleep training and what to expect in your body after labor.
So while I anticipate letting everyone down, Mr. Cat anticipates "more support than we know what to do with." And so far, the reality is rosier than what I pictured for myself.
He is fond of saying to me, as I spiral about worst-case scenarios, "what if something good happens?"
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