We're one week in and I'm understanding the joy and peace that is possible during this time, that I was too anxious to experience with my first baby.
It's lovely to just have slow days together. I would like a bit more night sleep, but even that is not making me anxious the way it did last time. I'm getting by so much better than expected.
My SIL had a baby 7 weeks before mine, and I was worried because she seemed so... fine. I thought she must be in deep denial or hiding her struggles, but now I think I get it.
I also think the newborn phase will fly by even faster this second time. Her almost-2-month old seems so big and different already!
Today, at the one week mark, I set up the 529 during a night feeding, and after an afternoon nap, cooked dinner!
Bublet is a sweet and pretty chill baby. She eats a lot, but has started doing naps up to 3 hours (usually after some cluster feeding). We get a few alert "daytime playtimes" with her, for tummy time or a first bath. She rarely fusses when not hungry, and is fine sleeping in her bassinets.
I have some distant fears like what happens when Mr. Cat goes back to work, and I'm lonelier and getting less sleep?
Will the novelty wear off and I feel bored and trapped?
What happens when I go back to work and miss the baby and have to start pumping &/ formula?
Will I get PPD when I wean or reduce breastfeeding?
Am I enjoying this time enough?
But in the moment I am so smitten and love getting to know this new baby. I feel like we've come so far in the first week, hitting all those biological milestones. Her poops changing from meconium to regular, my milk coming in, the feedings slowly spacing out, the engorgement going away. My nipples are less sore, and her muscle control over latching is getting better.
I feel very surrounded in love; Mr. Cat is here all the time, happy to support me and eager for his chance to hold the baby when she's not eating.
My family and some friends have come by, all very helpful to bring food.
And the almost 2 year old big brother has handled the change well. He's pretty content to just see me in passing and let do everything for him (and get attention from any visitor we may have). Thank God for daycare, so we get some leisurely weekdays and then practice the new pace on the weekends.
I can't believe how well breastfeeding is going after last time. Bublet latched in the hospital and it never really hurt. There's some soreness at the start, but nothing bleeding or cracked on me. She's pretty patient and persistent whenever we've had to reset the latch, and that happens less with each passing day.
On day 4, we'd had two nights of cluster feeding, I was getting a bit discouraged about the lack of sleep. How much longer would I need to sleep in 40 min stretches? Couldn't I have a 3 hour block in there somewhere?
Two big things happened that day to encourage me to power through.
First, we went to the pediatrician, and learned that Bublet had gained 5 oz in 2 days (normal is more like 1-2 oz). I laughed and teared up with joy and relief. All that feeding was paying off!
Second, I told Mr. Cat that I was taking an actual nap. We had some formula, and he could give her an ounce and I did not think this would ruin the whole experiment. But if I was going to breastfeed for months, I needed an escape clause. And my milk was not in enough to pump a bottle yet.
I napped about 3 hours and so did Bublet. I felt so much better after the rest, and was relieved to learn that we had not needed to use the formula.
That night, I was able to pump an ounce. I pumped again in the day, and the next night slept a few hours while Mr. Cat bottle fed the baby. This was just shy of a week which is earlier than recommended to introduce bottles, but I felt instinctively sure that it would be ok. And indeed she took the bottle no problem, and went right back to breastfeeding. My rest was only a few hours so supply wasn't affected.
I'm so so relieved to have this option for rest (and eventual doctor's appointments or fun outings!) And I appreciated his support for even my formula nap plan. I kept saying, I'm not trying to earn a breastfeeding gold star, I'm trying to find a rhythm that works for everyone.
But I appreciate the small miracle of avoiding that formula; now I feel confident that we can make it to at least the start of daycare exclusively breastfed.
And honestly, it is more convenient to breastfeed (now that I have an escape valve for my sleep). We're not constantly washing bottles, or running for a refill, or guessing how many to mix or pack, or should be throw it out.
It's also a nice surprise that I enjoy breastfeeding as much as I do. It doesn't hurt, I like getting to sit and hold my baby and feel her soft hair, and be on my phone. Now that we have a solution for my sleep, I like it even better. And I am getting these "happy sappy" hormones that are helping me enjoy this time so much. From everything I'd heard, I expected best case it would be something that I dutifully powered through.
The second kid is also a bit easier. We know a lot and don't overthink how to do things. Diaper changes and baths seem simple after a toddler. And I'm glad I had the harder experience first - NICU + breastfeeding struggles + a worse tear. So I was expecting that again and have been pleasantly surprised; would have been rough to go in reverse, start off confident with number 2 and then hit random obstacles.
Overall feeling very lucky. Glad I get to experience this, but am still thinking, never again!
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