Often, when a recurring thought is stressing me out, I realize that I'm holding on to it for some perversely self-preserving reason.
Having a sense of limits is practical (can I physically & financially handle another kid right now?) But I'm already committed to having this kid, so continuing to suspect or say that I can't handle it isn't smart or helpful anymore.
What would my life feel like if I starting thinking and saying that I am ready to be a mom? If I told myself, I can figure this out, I can ask for help, I'll get through it even if I struggle at first.
Part of me believes that if I think I'm up to the challenge, I'm just being naive. Without a deep fear to drive me, I wouldn't prepare enough. A more confident me wouldn't bother with the reading and exercises and doula tips.
So instead I try to look at how hard I've worked and how much I've learned and use that to boost my confidence.
Besides, what does it mean to "not handle it" as a parent? What does failure look like?
Be moody every day and lose all my friends? Get sent to a mental asylum? CPS takes the kid? The baby dies?
Choosing to have confidence now doesn't make failure more likely, it just makes me less miserable for now.
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