A Sacred Everyday Time

The past few weeks, I've felt a deep peace and gratitude for all the details of my everyday life.

Every time I enjoy food or sleep; every nice moment with someone I care about; every sunshine walk or podcast drive or meal I cook feels very significant and wonderful.

I'm trying to savor these last days before, as I imagine, so many things will be taken away from me, at least for awhile.
Will I be in too much pain to walk around my house or go outside?
Will I be so tired that I can't drive or cook?
Will I & the baby be so cranky I don't want social visits?
Will Mr. Cat & I get into nasty fights?

Thinking about this change makes me feel afraid and sad sometimes, so I'm trying to savor these last days of my current life, and I find myself appreciating details more than ever.

I think my hormones, especially progesterone, are helping. I feel very calm and slow and sleepy and kind of blissed out. I wish this was due to some permanent maturity on my part, but at least I know that it is possible for me to feel this way ahead of a change.
Having reached such a state of grace may help me find my way to it again, or at least know that it is possible for me to live this way.

I keep saying to myself that I'm going to struggle since it's a big change and I don't do well with change. But at the same time, it's a change that I chose, that I had months (and years) to prepare for, and that has plenty of resources and people to guide me.

Maybe it's more true that I don't do well with sudden forced change, but in this case I feel content and proud that I did everything in my power to prepare for my own health & sanity, and to have everything the baby needs cleaned and unpacked and organized.

Advent is also a great season to be waiting for the baby. The world is getting slow and homey, and the liturgy reminds us how monumental it is for a new life to enter the world and how special a new family is.

I've also been lucky that I've been able to slow down from work, taking telework and a slower pace.

I hope that I can preserve some of this mood of home being so precious and enough, even as my productivity and energy begin to diminish.

There's nothing I can do to prevent or buffer myself against the sleep deprivation and hormone swing that is coming. But I feel like I'm as good a place as I possibly can be going into the labor part. And if that is physically and emotionally positive, that will probably help the postpartum time.