am i turning into my mom

My mom was mostly a pretty good mom. She had a PhD but stayed home to raise us. I remember as a little kid going to parks and little free concerts and library programs and this petting zoo. I love my siblings and the time we spent growing up together. She packed lunches and cooked dinner and tried to have family meal time every night, even as 4 extracurricular schedules grew complicated. She made it to all the softball games and school plays and boy scout advancement ceremonies. She was dutiful and responsible and just the right amount of strict.



The main lesson I'm learning from my mom now that I'm grateful for - being a good parent is a decision and a choice that anyone can make, not a destiny for those with the "correct" fuzzy feelings. Like me, she felt ambivalent about having kids, and didn't have the baby fever as many women do, but tried her best once they (we) showed up.
She gave us her time & hard work, but her life and identity didn't revolve around us. She'd just as soon we leave her alone for a minute. She was annoyed by us & our hobbies and wasn't afraid to say it as we got older.

Right now, this is a relief. If I had a mom who simply adored every minute of motherhood and didn't understand my mixed emotions, I'd already feel like a failure. But if I follow in her footsteps of doing a good enough job, it seems like I could manage that. And I turned out alright....I think?