women's work & double standards

It feels very unfair that I have to be the one to do all the heavy lifting of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. Added to the fact that in my house, like so many, we both work fulltime but I do a lot of the chores & admin. My husband is helpful & sweet, so if I say, I feel terrible, can you go to the store, make dinner, start laundry, and reply to this person? he will. But I still have to remember it all, and remind him.

So if I ever feel like there are too many things and I'm failing, I will ask myself, was I good father today? was I a good husband today? and then i'll see that yes, I fed my kids some healthy food and read them a story and laughed at their terrible joke. or no, I was stressed and took it out on him.
But holding myself to a man's or maybe a gender neutral standard, will help all the sexist bullshit about being mild-mannered when asking for help and cute personalized lunches and stimulating craft projects will fall away and I'll see if I was involved and loving in the core of what matters.

I also feel already that I'm temporarily free from the pressure to be a sexy skinny woman. Gaining 25 pounds sounds uncomfortable and inconvenient. I'll have to buy new clothes. But the idea of going to the pool this summer at 8 months pregnant is...freeing. For the first time since I was maybe 10, I won't give a damn who's looking or what they're thinking. My body is not androgynous sexy. It is gonna get a hell of a lot more curvy & womanly & feminine. I read a quote that boys are taught to use their body as an instrument, a tool to shape the world around them, and girls are taught to use their body as an ornament, to look good, no matter what else they're doing. For the first time, I'm starting to value my body as an instrument more. I've never been much of an athlete, more of a studious kid. But now my body is doing something amazing, and if I'm going to look "fat & sweaty" while I do, I don't really care.

When I gained 10 pounds early this year as I started the thyroid meds, I was really stressed about it, though my BMI was still fine. Now I'm gained three more pounds, and I don't care at all. I'm just glad that I don't have morning sickness, and I don't have to worry about losing it.